who are we to you? Or perhaps i should say what are we to you. When u need help, you would come find us, to protect your own interest and self, but when u don't we are not even anywhere there. U just throw us aside as if we never existed. U had never really love and cared, u are just doing it so as to have an answer to someone when anyone ask. whats the point for all these hypocrisy?

One week after camp, so many thing happen and i am taking control of my action and thoughts. why do u have to teach me to come out and trust others only for others to break it, taught me to love only to be hurt by those u love

I had said and warn before, i also said before, me keeping quiet in the family is not that i am scared or afraid, its just that there is this essence of respect in it. When the respect is gone, see will i not land some of u in hospital for your deeds. Who knows the thing my family is going through when u all these FUCKING ASSHOLE is there talking bad stuff bout my family even as we kept quiet. I am ready for everything, i do not give a fuck if the family is separated, its better without having such FUCK UP relative as kin.

Someone once told me pai kia bo di chu pai, pai kia di wa kao pai nia and the reason is that cos in a family there is respect, but when the respect is gone all will be out.

大家要撕破脸就来吧! 我以毫无顾虑了 cause i have learn to hurt even the closest one to protect the one you love.

My Week! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

OK this week is good on overall

Monday:
Starting of camp, its was so freaking good the sermon part :P no games for me due to leg, seriously it was better then i expected, coz like my walk is like not good prior to everything, so when Rebekah told us to write out our expectation i was like fooling around since i had no freaking mood to write or do anything so just anyhow write. it goes like this
"day 1: find touch of God and go back...........Day 3 session 5 continue to listen to God." well God has his own way doesn't He, like prior to everything i set 20 Dec which was ytd and also christmas bash as the last day with cell before i leave if i still do not feel God, and just so Session 1 was all about going back to God like what Brother Calvin said: "For all those whom are far away from God, now is the time to come back, to get back to God through this worship" and of course sermon too. The touch of God was so strong, truth be told i had not felt God for like a month or two in church, all the time i was there is just to look for a touch of God but all did not happen till camp. Got back to God and felt so high?

Tuesday
Went out in morning for check up, could not resist temptation to go back camp for night session though i supposedly should be home to sleep early as i need go out early with my grandpa the next morning for his check-up

Wednesday
Back in night and stay over sermon was like blank in me for that night :D

Thursday
Session was also good, coz it was like Pastor Glyn told us to pray and pray and also talk to God bout the dream and vision He gave us, i had mine a long time ago, like when i was 15? It always was in me whenever anyone preach bout God vision for your life it will surface up in me, i never told anyone bout that dream/vision except 2 guys, no one actually know bout it and i also never talk coz that vision is a big big thing, something so big that i see all senior and youth pastor of Cos(BT) in it. I told God bout what i felt, i told God that i was afraid if i say it out and it was never done, what will happen? I also fear coz i just simply dunno how to express it out to anyone, then i was like opening my bible when i came across this "bookmark" i made which wrote 1 Chronicles 19:12-13 and 22:13

1 Chronicles 19-12-13
12 Joab said, "If the Arameans are too strong for me, then you are to rescue me; but if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will rescue you. 13 Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The LORD will do what is good in his sight."

1 Chronicles 22:13
13 Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.

see the common point? Its be strong, especially both verse are sort of link from what i see, lets shift the verse and you may get this "Then u will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the lord gave Moses for Israel, the Lord will do what is good in His sight" and "Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of God, do not be afraid or discouraged"

and it was like so strong man, seriously that very day God presence was also strong, but overall monday is still the best :D

went home and out after a shower

Fri:
woke up in noon, went out at 3 till 1 am in morning

Sat:
woke up watch Doraemon, went over grandma house help uncle do drilling and stuff, went for wedding ceremony/lunch then went meet Rebekah they all for Youth Impact Christmas Bash. Today sermon was also great, its like also bout for some to get back to God, and remember what i intend to do on the 20 DEC? Well its like if i miss the first session, God still had His way of getting me back

I went the wrong way before, i board the wrong car to the wrong place with the wrong group and do the wrong thing, now that i have turn, the injuries are left on me along with the tainted sight of some people that i know even though i do not say it out. Jesus let it pass, God let it pass but well this is the world, whats so important bout it now? Nothing. Judge me for all i care, i know how some of u see me, but i do not care :)

Sun: (dont ask how i know coz its all plan out)
Wake up watch doraemon, go out lunch, go home watch TV or sleep, night suppose got wedding dinner to attend but i dont want go coz of some personal stuff so family going. So most likely gonna stay home watch "curse of the golden ju hua" u guys remember it? something hit you mind?

Oh yeah dont know if u all read it but Alicia and Cheryl well done with the dance and acting, seriously got potential go be ah lian :P. Oh ya and Ali no worry i soompah never take video coz i and brendan went to the back for wayne friend to sit

when as a body of christ does not give the love some people are looking for, they went in search for it from the world, thats the reason why some people backslide, and i know some of them

Can dream be real?

Can dream be real? Can you literally feel whatever you feel in dream, the pain the pressure the fear. Had a dream days back, it felt so real, the pressure, the weight on my shoulder, it was so intense that i was force down onto my knee and unable to get up, i had no strength, i had no courage in the dream, i had fears and the pressure leads to pain.

The Dream:
I was like carrying my backpack, my sling bag and a shoe bag, the there is this person whom said we can clear the chair and put our bag at the side, just when i wanted to stand and take the chair, i was forced down, i could not move, the weight is so strong on my shoulder that i could not stand(this is the part i really felt the pressure), fears begin to ride in guts dying out, just when i decided to throw off my backpack first then i stand, i still could not, next was sling bag but still it felt as if it weight a ton and i could stand, finally when i threw off the shoe bag only then i had strength coming in, after putting the chair on the side, taking all those item one by one felt like nothing.

Is there a lesson behind it or am i feeling too much?

Argh, leg pain ar! Operated part is so pain, panadol is my daily sweet, want some?
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Problem does not lies in You, but its me. Its myself
time is running out for me, there is not much time left. Before 20th

Dont keep on bombarding question on me, if i want to tell u i will tell u
there is not a need to say anything coz there is not a point in it
just let silence take its place