Story of my life

2012-01-01T01:56:00.004+08:00

*BAM* just like that, year 2011 has come to an end. Like what Evan said, 2011 was good but 2012 gonna be better. Spent the night with Favoured at church office roof top. Finally after wandering for 2 years, God settled me in Favoured. Great bunch of people to know, thanks Bro Calvin and Sister Karen for asking me to join them during april. Had it not been for them in persevering to ask me into Favoured, i wont get to know all the great people in Favoured. With the end of 2011, 2012 gonna be a way where i want to be use by God. I want to care enough for God to use me in the life of the people around me, and also for Favoured to be a platform of change. To be the very platform where changes happen through us, when people see Favoured, they see God in everyone life. With ORD coming this year also, not only to learn driving, but perhaps follow Pastor Moses into Missions, kicking start God's calling in my life. Ending Year 2012 change is a must! Like what Evan said, there must not be room for a NO or Cannot Do It.

2011-11-06T03:08:00.002+08:00

Since it was never meant to be right from the start, why persist on holding on? The group of us were never part of You all, just like the proboscidea, we were somewhat hook onto You all thats all, and we disperse all over after that.

2011-06-14T20:12:00.003+08:00

This blog seems silent. No update, no nothing. So decided to update a little. Wonder if anyone still sees this lol

Read through some of the old and i mean real old blog post and see the kind of passion, fire i had in God before all the things happen. I understand why Jesus said let the children come to me, and not let the man come to me. The life of children are so different from an adult, everything is pure and good. Where else the life of a man is so different. Seeing the me from when i start out this blog till now, many things change. Can i still be that child? That kid like what Jesus said?

I no longer post the thing i post, no longer burn that flame with such passion, no longer commit myself, no longer _______________, no longer _____________, no longer _____________ and only God and those whom know me real well knows the answer to those blank.

I know of the consequences of not forgetting you, it might cost me my life when my heart and mind is not with me when i am on the road, but still i will fight for it and perhaps one day, this will come to a past :D

If u are still around here somewhere, leave a note

2011-05-08T12:54:00.003+08:00

Listening to 070511 sermon once again, it brought back many memories of the past. Are we of any different from the group of people in the life saving station? Being in church for 5 years already, lots of up and down, seen how the story told is closely link to our church, link to the cell group ain't it right? In service, we are much alike the people in the club, we grow and grow, till we max out. All of a sudden, the number just drop, from one full hall to 3/4 of the hall occupied, and back to maxing out the space again, and it happen all over. Then we split services, from one service to two just because there is not enough space, then both service grow rapidly over the years and the number just drop once again, till there is not a need for 2 service. For cell group, is there not once where our number grow so large till it hit 30? Where there is so much people, fun every week? Then the number just drop rapidly over a few months till it hit half of what it used to be? Thats when a few of us just snap awake, seeing how things are being destroyed. We guys met up weekly to pray for it, things did changed, no doubt. Yet it slips back into the past once again, seeing no hope anymore. One by one, those that snap awake left....life changed, knowing that its time to stop or rather its when the why bother mentality come riding in. This time will things be any different once again. Down the years, will history repeat or will God change things around, thats all i ask for. Let things be different this time round, lets not allow history to repeat,

2011-05-02T03:33:00.002+08:00

As i get closer to the truth of the thing in am looking into, fear is riding into me.

The more i seek the truth of it, the more i want to stop looking.

The answer is not that nothing was done, its just that the wrong person was sent forth to handle the situation

2011-02-18T20:46:00.002+08:00

I WILL see the Sun standing still for the 3rd time soon, of which twice occurs in my family

2011-02-16T19:05:00.003+08:00

Reading that line, my heart died once again. Knowing what is going on, trying to push out all the anger building within, though i might not allow it to reign within once again, no doubt the cost is a heart that is dieing slowly by the pain within

2011-01-16T15:57:00.002+08:00

Yesterday sermon was a blast man, it hit point on in every bit of my life. Many a time in life we say why bother? what Pastor Daniel said really hit the bullseye or rather it taught me a lesson/smack me up. Many a time, when the devil know God can use you to do something so great, he start throwing all the "why bother" in the face of a great plan, many of us fail there did we not? I realize during yesterday sermon that when i start saying why bother? Why bother anymore, its when things are changing. Soon after i began to stop bothering, things changes slowly. Both side accept the reality of "why bother" just at different timing thats all. When they said why bother, things go downhill, when they start to wake up, i start saying why bother? I kill my own heart, and it never lives on again towards it.

Life regrets always come from yes or no. A yes too early or a no too late.

quote from Kaycey---Behind my smile is a hurting in my heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the person I am, isn’t me.

Summary of 2010

2011-01-01T00:17:00.003+08:00

I came to realise, year 2010 was not a very good year for most of my friends. Be it Christian or non-Christian friends, even for myself. But there is one difference that sets both group of people apart. No doubt year 2010 has been a year of ups and down, there are lots of things that does not go smoothly or even things have been going rough against us/me. Many things happen in my life, to the extent that i almost had my life thrown into the ditch where there is no God, also making the decision to end some things which ultimately might or may already had destroy what took time to build . Things gets better after the accident, for my life at least, though there are still time when things look gloomy, but with God the UPS always comes. The fight this year is never easy, in fact its much tougher. Yet we still win cause of the winning factor that God is with us. (See the word "ïs", and not "was"). The start of the year has been rough, but we hold on constantly and never let go of God no matter what. Though prior to the accident my life was not really right bout Christianity, yet somehow no matter what kind of stuff i get involved in, Christianity has its place in my heart, the connection never seems to get cut off. Am i glad that it is the case back then. For us Christian, the start of the year was tough for many, yet over time with our faith and perseverance, God turn up and turn things around. As time goes towards the end of the year, things became good for us Christian. Yet many of my non-Christian friends are still whining bout the downs in their life. Is God good or what. The defining factor that makes us different is God. The only one God whom holds the universe in His hands yet because of His love for us, allow us to roam/venture into the unknown, knowing that we might fall away from Him.

I am glad i know Jesus Christ and His's father, do you know them? The difference is GOD and GOD alone. He is the defining factor to things.

What a broken world we are in...

2010-11-07T12:07:00.002+08:00

Spend friday night out with some people, intended for supper only but after that they decided to go boat quay to meet Serena they all, so we went down to UP entertainment where venesse work as most of the place would be full on holiday night. Got a table where they open one bottle and a bucket of 5, while i was there drinking plain water. Was coughing hence decided not to drink any alcoholic drink and they also did not insist i drink with them, so yeah. All the way till 4 plus when one of them were already knock out, its was so obvious to those with knowledge that she would definitely get drunk when she drank hard liquor at first and drag about half a bottle of beer each time. There they are emo-ing, while venesse got into some argument with people from the opposite bar when she went to smoke, we just stood opposite to see if there is anything wrong before reacting to any sudden event if there is any, reason we did not step up was the fact that she was in the wrong to go over herself, she could just keep quiet and walk back in. Left the bar and walk over to Singapore river, and the drunk girl was like crying over her life, crying over her sad life saying all sorts of stuff in her life. She even said this "How i wish i could get pregnant now, bear a children for my grandma just so that i could gain her grandma favour" (She said her grandma loves children) , and how much she wish she can die and not bother bout such things when she is only so young.

This is the world we are living in, a world destroying its own life, a world which just to gain a favour in someone eyes, would want to get pregnant, and goes sleeping around with people, switch many boyfriend and engage in sexual act with them. When you hear all this, does it ache your heart? Why does your heart ache? Is it because this person story has touch your heart and you sympathize with her, or is it because you seen the brokenness of the person life? Seeing how this world is destroying its own life, hurts your heart like how it hurts God when God looks down? I can imagine God looking from above and seeing all this things happening, there He would be crying, God's heart really beats for people, but is our heart beating for people much as we say it? Does our heart beat for people around our life only? Or does it really beat for people just like God? That night out with them really let me see the brokenness of this world, out of the group of 8 people, the story of 3 person life through words and action is enough to see this world destroying itself.

Walk down the streets of boat/clarke quay at the wee hour of the day, you will see a world destroying its own

2010-10-10T00:07:00.002+08:00

Its really freaky when at the start of sermon your Pastor said things like telling u at times when you are a newcomer and through the sermon whatever it speaks is about you, as if your friend had told your pastor your life. Then came the sermon and everything it speak within is exactly about you, even though you are an "old bird" in the church.

Sermon today focus on our relationship with people, with man. It says our spiritual maturity depends on your relationship with not only God but God's people, to me, its not totally right. I had seen people whom life chooses to love selective God's people, yet they are alright? Perhaps, its all a facade, but for me personally, its not all whom your really need to love like your family. Love as friends yes, but not all friends stand at the family level. At family level, is where God place them (friends) so close to you, that we should not neglect our relationship with one another. To me its this relationship instead of friends that will measure your spiritual maturity too. Sermon also spoke bout my thoughts, its really my thoughts! Like Pastor Dan said bout us having thought that those people wont change, they will always stay like that. Don't bail out on them, just like how much patience God gave to you, don't bail out on them. I had already bail out on some, the very moment i became indifferent to things is when i bail out on them. Much as i know this is the 3rd thug from God, though i am close to God, though i still want to get closer to God, to go so close to Him more than before, yet i STILL do not want to do it. The problem is there, its so obvious. Whenever i ask people to return back to church, the first thing that came to mind is how bout cell/lifegroup whenever this came into the picture, decision starts to waver.

I came to realize this on my way home. People ARE willing to go church and sit for sermon, yet when cell/lifegroup goes into the picture, things changes. I always knew of the problem from long ago , but i did not came to realization bout this, guess this is a new knowledge to me also.

2010-10-01T22:25:00.002+08:00

What a GREAT WEEK!!!! SOOOOOoooo blessed by God this week. God is SOOoooo GOOD!
For everything i prayed, God answer, at every moment when i need Him, God meets my need all the time. Yet He never asked for anything in return. That is the greatness of God

2010-09-10T17:07:00.002+08:00

"You have been permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven, but others have not." Matthew 13:11 (NLT)

Have you? Have you ever understand the secret and know the plan? If u ever did, when you read this verse, its brings back memories of the time God allows you to understand it. Not even needing to find an explanation for this verse to understand it, but based on your experience, you know what it meant.

2nd direction

2010-08-24T01:27:00.003+08:00

Was reading Matthew 5 just now, through it, God somehow gave that 2nd tug this time round, along with it came a clear direction of what i ought to do first.

Matthew 5:43-48

⁴³"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.'⁴⁴But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (not really meaning persecute, but those whom offend you?), ⁴⁵that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?⁴⁷And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

If I only loved those who love me, what difference would I be from them? Met the guys on sunday before i enlist for army, had quite a heated debate with the only guy whom is still in lifegroup. After the "debate" and i think it through, God convicted me of the fact that i should not debate so fiercely in front of some of them, reason being the tone and the way things are presented is not in any way gentle. Like it or not, there are always time inevitably we would do things that does not build others up. Thinking through the whole conversation, God pointed out the fact that through those tone that was presented, it was directed to "destroy". Perhaps this is the reason why God did not allow me to look Cheryl up the other time. He was protecting us from getting into more friction between us, most importantly He was protecting me. He knew at the point if i were to look her up, things would come down harsher and all the more i would "destroy". Thus making an error in which i could not reverse no matter what

I remember in that conversation/debate on sunday i said this, "When people left, u all pray, one or two weeks? A month long maybe? Then what? I can also pray, i can pray one whole year also, daily i pray for them. But of what difference would i be? To just pray and do nothing?"

In the same way, God pointed out that if i were to love only those whom love me, would i be of any difference from others? Upon this i also realise that very moment i became indifferent to things, i stop loving people. Seeing the way i speak on sunday you would more or less understand. For if i do not love, my judgement of things (not meaning judging people, but more of like to differentiate the right/wrong direction) would be clouded with the past mistake of others/mine, anger, feelings and more.

So here is the 2nd tug and an obvious step to take. But like what i said, i am very reluctant to. Sister Karen and Brother Calvin would understand this :)

Things are always more than meets the eye

2010-08-15T12:13:00.014+08:00

Many times in life, what we see are just the tip of the iceberg, the tip of everything. Its what we do that allows us to go deeper and know what is under. Its only for those whom seek deep within to know what is beneath, for those whom dont, you will never know the answer fully even from those whom search beneath.

To Cheryl (not sure if u are reading this, but will still post it up)
Am i glad and happy that you obey God[thumbs up for it (^^)b] and that you had spoken, but the timing is wrong. What i said yesterday are just bits and pieces. Angry part, yes, there was one period, but now I am no longer angry, reason being I chose another way of looking at things. Its different altogether. You are one whom will speak up, I am one whom will keep quiet to lots of things, so please do not ask if there is anything i want to tell you. Ask me whatever you want to know and i will answer what is needed. One truth for you to know, whatever i said yesterday is just the surface of many things. Thus i told u not to harp on it too much.

Sorry if whatever is written hurt you or offend u. But this is what in my mind now. Dont feel sad or down just coz things dont work out. Be happy that you had obey God.

I am aware words spoken are not being able to be taken back, but i will still say it after much thought and struggles. I am clear headed now, this are not words of anger or words which aims to destroy.

In Desperation...

2010-08-14T00:39:00.005+08:00

For the Lord is faithful when you call out to Him in desperation. He is faithful to answer your call and also faithful to His words that He will forgive you.

I experience it before, when we call out to God, He WILL turn up. You never know all the things i had done....yet God forgave me. He even spared this life of mine.

From all the life experience, I had see that God will turn up no matter what, the only missing factor is TIME. No matter how, till now I had never been able to anticipate the timing in which God will appear. The only thing is, not many persevere on long enough for the right time. Somehow, God will turn up the very last min. Not sure for you all out there, but for my life? It always seems so that God always turn up only when things are reaching its end.

2010-08-04T00:21:00.003+08:00

Do not show me or point to me the way, guide me the way and i want to learn the right way. The way where right and wrong are cut apart by your words.

For so long...i finally said "I am a christian"

something is coming my way? Teach me to learn to trust in you in the storm and not in peaceful time.

Secret Place

2010-07-28T20:57:00.001+08:00

The Secret Place

The place where you are just alone, all alone without anyone even though there are lots of people around you. Where communication comes alive

2010-07-25T11:15:00.001+08:00

Guess what Pastor Daniel said in sermon is more or less true though i disagree totally when i first heard it.

2010-07-21T23:48:00.004+08:00

It ain't helping with a headache and so much noise from people making comment of this and that together with noise of nagging. Especially with the recent few days where my temper is at its worse and limit is at its shortest. Help me.

Now is not the time....not yet

2010-07-14T23:56:00.002+08:00

I asked God a question and i got an answer which appear in my mind. How do i know even if its God whom reply? Oh well........

2010-06-27T00:41:00.004+08:00

JESUS REIGN

Guess i was really not cut out to study into deeper science lol. Though i like science a lot when i was primary 3 lol. Was reading the M-theory regarding the 11 dimension and stuff through wiki, but i understand nuts lol. While reading it was listening to "Jesus Reign", this song is good stuff! Somehow or rather it will lead you to really want to worship and sing along. Go on, listen to it.

Somehow, i have a feeling the fight is going to be fiercer now, fiercer than ever before what i had experience.

There are many "philosophy" that will find its way into my thought, here is one of them.

the war for souls is constantly on, the stronger the soul, the bigger the war. The bigger the war all the more the soul is put to grind in a test of perseverence

Finally the mystery is solved!

2010-06-07T23:48:00.004+08:00

05 June 2010 was a meaning full day for me??? No it was not, it was a very meaning full day for me. Was 05 June 2010 a good day for me??? No it wasn't, it was a blessed day. Why is it so, 19 years ago i was born, 19 years later i was re-born for the lord spared my life clearing me of my 2 weeks critical week. On 05 June 2010, my external wound healed faster than expected, not expecting to look as if nothing has happen if u know the way i look on 23 May 2010.

When we really seek, or perhaps I should say when I really seek, I get the answer real fast. Finally the answer to the mystery that I am seeking is found. The only choice left is for me to believe it or not. (By now as you read this, you might think in your heart if its from God, just believe. Right?)

Fighting for my life

2010-05-27T21:44:00.002+08:00

Fighting for my life in the next two weeks, once this two weeks are over. Everything will set in place.....

just a thought

2010-05-21T01:14:00.003+08:00

A ball that rolls away from you will never return back. It will always remain at the same spot where it stop unless someone goes over and pick it back to you. No matter what leaves your hand, it never returns unless you go forward to pick it up or someone picks it up for you.

Kao zhai mai?

2010-05-15T05:51:00.003+08:00

Its 0551am now, all of a sudden felt like reading back on past post/draft, and it reminds me the kind of person i was before. All the things that i had gone through, but yet now things change a lot. Yet i do not know why, much as i want to find an answer, but i fear....no reason for fear but its just there, lots of hesitation....

2010-04-04T22:43:00.004+08:00

Through my teenage life, i kept to this belief of doing things and not regretting it later...but this time round will i regret it for life if i take the wrong step.
To serve or to study first?

I have never been so indecisive in handling stuff, yet recently i have been so different...what has become of me....hmmmmm lol

2010-03-23T00:58:00.001+08:00

All of a sudden, i feel so "heavy" its as if something is pulling my heart downwards

The more i sleep, the more tired i feel..

2010-02-28T07:33:00.002+08:00

A sleepless night, just return home, could not sleep and went out to hang out with friends through the night. My whole body felt very 辛苦 through the night, but yet i cant sleep. Even now......

2010-02-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

Spend Sunday noon clearing the cupboard and stuff as Chinese New Year is coming, as I was packing, saw those mini encouragement card from ex-cell/church members that are accumulated over the years in YI, from MT 06 & 07. YI Camp 06-08, and other events like Christmas Bash and Birthday and so on. Read it all one by one, not missing even a single details or card left unread and i see so many things, those whom tell me to stay strong, keep burning for God had left one by one. Lots of things came into my mind each moment i read one card, from the card and by looking at the person live, i see the kind of person he/she really is. Someone whom treat others with TRUE love and concern, or it is just there for a "show" to just at least complete the responsibility. But sadly, there are few whom i see treats others like how Jesus would, much as many like to proclaim that they should love others before they can have a relationship with God blah blah blah.... but sadly the answer is within one hand, i can tell you who they are.

After some time spend thinking, I am coming close to a decision point of whether to carry on in the hope that one day they would wake up/things would change in the walk or just give up on them/give up on everything. But first i need to meet someone important.....

2010-01-12T23:33:00.002+08:00

Seriously, u know what screw my life!
Most of by bottom teeth are shaking in a row! Even before i complete my crowning process, i might lose all my teeth below my lower jaw.
Is there an ever "respawn" button? If there is tell me, coz my life is screw up. This life sucks. Broken front tooth, shaky teeths at my lower jaw, whats worse? Losing all your teeth and putting on denture even before u hit 20.

1 year death anniversary

2010-01-10T01:26:00.004+08:00

10/01/09 till now, been a year. Whatever happen still runs in my mind, nothing much change over this one year except some argument in the family but overall is still ok, still having family dinner forthnightly on sunday. Today night is having one again, wonder will it be different since its the 1 year death anniversary of grandpa.

Almost forget my log in details after so long lol, been a long day(sat) time to sleep lo.

Was looking back at some pictures and i start to realize how much everything have change in my life and might never even have the chance to return to where it all gone wrong.
The last bet!

2009-11-17T14:37:00.002+08:00

two post back i said i am going for a gum surgery, but it turns out to be only root canal, this fri is the real one, real gum surgery going to be done. so time for nice food now till friday mwahahahah!

Lets go chinese, 大家来读华语

2009-10-29T00:42:00.003+08:00

最近整个人觉得很累，
无论睡多少时间还是会觉得很疲倦，
可能是吃药的关系吧

Not all things are always as simple as 1+1=2, there are time things exceed far beyond it, sometime 1+1 might be equal to 11. If u understand u understand, if you don't then you don't.

Little thoughts

2009-10-16T09:27:00.003+08:00

Another 3 days to first phase of getting my tooth done up, gum surgery, damage done to it by the bike accident, hmmm. Looks like it has given more damage done than expected.

I want to resume bike practical, but i am having phobia of E-brake lesson instead of riding a bike. weird.....

Getting the string back isn't easy, but not gonna stop without trying.

The biggest mistake people of our generation make is that we always take things for granted, thinking everything will be alright without knowing the truth behind everything.

Its gonna be a tiring weekend....but still can take it :)

2009-09-10T08:11:00.000+08:00

Finally exams are over, but i am starting to feel bored at the first day of holidays and its only 8:12am -.-
Very tempted to resume my motorbike practical hahaha, but sadly i cant argh! still unable to carry heavy things and best of all my knee is hurting and causing inconvenience to me and preventing me from walking around all day long without needing to stop.

2009-08-30T09:05:00.001+08:00

Every religion has its dark side that outside people do not see till they join, what do you see? Should i join or even go help out? Friends have been asking. Father has been dissuading me since he knew what happen inside it

Whatever u have seen is only the tip of the iceberg in the whole situation, there are other things u do not see, so it is easy to say. Wait till i kick you out of the team since u could not even bother but comment comment comment.

A lot of people said i have change in my temper and the way i handle it. Even my parents, they say i have never been like that before. Perhaps it got damn worse

2009-08-23T01:07:00.002+08:00

If God does not shows up, at least He would send the angels to, and for every single problem u have, there will be two angels holding you, so meaning if have more problems in life, means more angels holding you tio bo? agree not? Means more angel=more safe. Lol, joking only, life ain't a bed of roses, for everything we take it on, we will bring it down. Dare to challenge the impossible

2009-08-07T08:00:00.000+08:00

With a fever of 38.4 and being a suspected H1N1 patient, can this week get any worser

2009-08-04T18:34:00.000+08:00

Wo so freaking sick today, went school and almost died sneezing. Yes sneezing, god knows how many time i sneeze today, if it continue, i can forget about my motorbike lesson tomorrow. Cough, flu, sore throat, kept on sneezing. Just miss out fever and i might be making a trip to ttsh for check up -.-

2009-07-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

another premonition come true. At 2005hr, another one in the family is gone

Spiritual walk

2009-07-26T07:44:00.000+08:00

Sometime it is not the fantastic words that will have the most impact, even the simplest of words has the biggest impact. This is what a few people had said to me "I believe you can do it" and it seems to be the important key to unlock that hidden energy within me. Wall after wall that block me out i destroy and demolish, yet new and higher wall just keep rising, this week alone after destroying one wall and walking forward, i was strike hard in the chest causing me to move backwards. It was a strike that demoralize even the strongest of christian, but yet when they said" I believe you can do it", things began to heal and i begin to work on those wall again.

Went service with the guys and was pulled to sit with the cell, left straight after service and had a talk with Rachel whom we(me and Wayne) met below, Pastor Daniel came over and had a small chit chat with me and was very understanding without probing much but also encourage me through simple words.

Though this weeks suck (lots of things happen and do not wish to say), there are things that are worth smiling at least. Like I saw the way Brother Calvin and Sister Karen praise and worship, it encourage me a lot, i saw how they leave it all down just to worship. Seeing the way Lester constantly coming to church despite he needing to study for his Aeronautical course(i think) also encourage others don't you think?

2009-07-21T20:48:00.002+08:00

seriously no mood for anything this week, no mood to go school, don't feel like staying at home. Feel like going somewhere like the sea and be alone sit down relax...so many things on my mind this week, think of this and that.
Headaches everyday isn't helping in any way, everyday take panadol then go sleep, causing me to be very hot temper this week too. Almost got into a fight just now with some guy on the bus...no mood to do/say anything much.

2009-07-12T15:30:00.005+08:00

Ok decided i should blog a little. Friday went out with some of the primary school friends to mind cafe and played some game, played this ducky game which we all decided in-unison that it is the most fun out of all the three games we played.

Ducky Game

Some of those from the "outing regular" as i did not called all along

sat slept only at 3AM as we left Bugis only at 12 after the game and miss the train forcing us to take the bus. Seriously i hate it, have to worry got bus go home or not, gonna go enrol for 2B(motorcycle below 200CC) license on Tuesday when i go BBDC for my BTT. Hope i pass BTT, did not study much. Then able to ride bike by OCT lo. Woke up at 8.30 to prepare go Bishan public library for some stupid Singapore Read programme that the NLB organise and ITE enrolled us to go. ITE and Saturday by right do not click together, but somehow in this case it does. Event end at 12.30 then one group of us go J8 makan, left there at 1.30 and head for church. Got stuck at carpark coz my temperature was LO for like 5 mins, got up and miss some front part of sermon. Went home and zzzzzzzzzzz. Thats all for my week, the rest is school, nothing to talk about.

Is being sensitive good? Sensitive to others emotion is good coz no one can hides their emotion by wearing a mask. But other then emotion i sense something else. Something not many can (i think), something that i can sense, but nothing that i could do to it. When i told you all at the start of the year, that within 11 mths(by end of year) something grief gonna happen again, u all say i was joking/talking rubbish. Wow, now doctor tell u all at most 5 days, u all believe on the spot. wow!

心痛

2009-06-28T23:16:00.004+08:00

For once i really felt what this meant
Break my heart from what breaks yours(obtain from Hosanna by Hillsong)
我的心好痛, somehow this heartache is special.

难道一条路走久了就没有回头的机会？

Breaking off totally

2009-06-08T16:56:00.005+08:00

Is this even really happening, i do not know now. Lots of things change within me, i am no longer the Marcus i used to be. After this Sat, i will break away to be alone, alone to sort out whatever is not right now, i am struggling, but still holding on, if after a month things remains, perhaps i will never return again. If there is even a slightest change, this is my words to you, I will be back.
This is for me to fight, my war, a fight where there is no help, cause this war is within my heart and mind, if i can't overcome it myself, no one can even help me. You want to help, just pray for me......

Each moment i try to hang on there, 我感到越来越痛苦. I am out, just let me be alone for some time, how long i do not know, no one knows.....don't try to find me. Don't call out to me even if u see me, let me break away totally for this period of time. But remember my promise, if there is even a slightest change, i will be back

TOLERATE / 忍 / tolérez

2009-06-02T18:44:00.004+08:00

I will spell tolerence/忍 10 times, if it still does not work, i will write additional 20 times, if it still does not work, i will write another 20 time, if after writing 50 times and it still does not work, Marcus, a punch or two will be enough, or perhaps just one knee jack.

i find this advertisement real funny lol

ROBOT

2009-05-24T03:05:00.004+08:00

Everyone felt like a stranger to me now, everything seems like new to me, i feel as if i had lost my memory, remembering some close one, and the rest seems like a stranger. My mind is like changing to a processor chip, from man to programs

I am like a robot, 6.30am wake up, 7 leave house, 6.30pm reach home, rest, dinner, TV and sleep, the whole process repeats again for 5 days. Sat, wake up 11+, go church, go cell, dinner, tv, sleep. Sun wake up, go out, go grandma hse for dinner and back to the 5 days routine. Its really scary when u see your lives revolving around this way. No God, barren spiritual ground, dull spiritual life. I am trying to hang on there for as long, but is my reason for hanging on right? Hanging not for God, but hanging on for man, so as not to disappoint some.......

2009-05-17T08:22:00.002+08:00

I know that you will be disappointed when I tell you the reason, but still i chose to make you disappointed not because I like it, but its just that i do not want to lie or hide anything anymore. I know telling you the truth is the best

Basket, punch down sala angle then hand kena cut

Not an easy night

2009-05-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

Its not an easy night to get by when u felt how the feeling was on 10 Jan 09 wee hours

Finally TIME TO RELAC A BIT

2009-05-07T00:21:00.005+08:00

Wo, finally a time to relac a bit, seriously man, i know how working people feel everyday, from 8-5 in class, but leave house at 7am reach home earliest by 6+pm. Did you all see the lightning on 3rd May around 1+ am in the morning, nice right? Or maybe to me that is, i love

Lightning:

Fire:

lightning and fire, dunno why but it look nice and magnificent especially when u see the lightning striking down, even now outside is having some lightning flashing, looks nice especially when it strikes behind those clouds.

Its a battle that I should not avoid

2009-04-14T22:42:00.003+08:00

Its a raging war I should not avoid, its a war i must fight along side with God. Come lets pray.

When things begin to kick in, time to put up the armour of God and fight this war with God :D
hope I will not succumb back again though I am suffering now.

God u see what is it about, You know what this war is, fight ~~for~~ with me, ease my suffering, in Jesus name i pray and thank you amen.

Come on Senior partner, lets GO!

God is great, God is good, all the time

2009-04-01T11:39:00.004+08:00

God is great sing His praise all the earth all the heavens. WOOOOOOhooooooo, pass a module that i did study but those i study never never came out at all, although is got a C, but its still good right, coz GOD IS GOOD! WEeeeeeeeeee...........

Just realise, when listening to "GOD is Great", blast your speaker, its real nice

Things are tough

2009-03-12T00:34:00.004+08:00

OK things are TOUGH! Not because economic downturn no money, not coz of exam.
Its hard to keep a daily routine of doing Quiet Time and Masterlife, honestly truth be told, i had not done my QT for like the past one year till the recent monday, i had not done any week of the masterlife till the recent monday also, and best part, i just found out, i am doing the WRONG week! I am suppose to do week 5 but i am doing week 4 T.T
Well in summary this are the tough things in my life now
From toughest to least

Doing daily quiet time
Doing masterlife daily
Getting rid of the thought that this year some one gonna pass away again, somehow there something is telling me ever since my grandfather passed away
wake up early for school xD
Get even closer to God then before

BUT i am not gonna die from it, i am gonna be rebellious and stand against it, coz i am Marcus haha, no la, coz i am a child of God, a victorious child of God.
God i pray you help me in whatever that is happening in my life, you know what i need and lack, i pray you help me in all these aspect so that i will grow, i pray that you will hold my hand and guide me on this road, pray you will use your mighty hand to cover me from the storm in Jesus name AMEN :D

I can go on and on talking bout God goodness in my life now :D

Take the wheel and let your plan decide the outcome of my action

2009-03-08T23:52:00.005+08:00

Nick Vujicic is his name, wiki it up to read more

Saw this video, its good. Especially the part when he said "There are some times in life we fall down, you feel like you don't have the strength to get back up, do you think you have hope?"

Its like everyone has setbacks and regrets in life, but do we find the strength to stand up again? Recently found two girls whom used to talk to, but we did not talk for like near 2 years, yeah thats the thing i am referring to on FB. Reason why did not talk is personal, so have no wish to say out. But after seeing this vid, i decide to give a shot and contact them. God take the steering wheel of my life, let your plan be the one to decide everything :)

27 Feb 2009 49th day of grandfather death

2009-02-27T11:07:00.006+08:00

Today is the 49th day of my grandfather death, finally learn to let go of Him. Well no more sad stuff, some pics to cheer up. As you all knew, Wednesday evening was drizzling and the sun was shining bright, so what we get? RAINBOW. there is actually two rainbow, one which is slightly above the first one, but from the pic its not really clear, though if you really strain your eyes you get to see a little bit. Well if you seen it live, you should know what i meant, its really nice. Thank God i have eyes. Some people said that eyes are the best camera in the world, which is so true, coz some things are only meant for the eyes. Like starry night for example....

Today last day of the 49 day restriction, tomorrow can cut hair lo!

Truly understand

2009-02-08T20:18:00.004+08:00

I finally understand the TRUE meaning of this verse.

I called out to my God in grief "Where are You!" and like a wild horse i was never still
I called out to God again in grief "Where are You!" and like a bull i was never still
I called out to my God the third time in my sadness "Where are You!". For once i quieten and listen. My God speaks, "My son, here I am with you"

There are many answer i am looking for, perhaps i might never get an answer for whatever happen, but for now i will not give up just yet.

2009-01-25T12:10:00.002+08:00

ok while waiting for my hair to dry before i sleep, decide to post some quick things. Just reach home like half an hour ago, went night cycling around the west. Later going again, was fun.

Sat 24 Jan 09

On a serious note, the feeling within me sucks yesterday, when i enter the chapel and heard Sister Wanping said bout giving thanks to God for things that You pray for He will answer it, whatever happen on the fateful day went through my mind again and again, it did not seems to stop, it felt bad, then came cell and it also sucks when u hear bout the good time spent together and spending new year as a family with everyone, your grandparent and relatives like your aunt, uncle and cousin, it just felt suck.

Anws Cheryl thanks for your understanding when i refuse to share some testimony about God.

Came home for 30 mins last night and out i went to cycle, travel around the west and back to Gombak only in the morning 10 am, it was fun, done lots of crazy stuff and had lots of fun, mayb its one of the way to relax and throw everything off :D

Nothing seems to change

2009-01-18T00:12:00.006+08:00

Today is the 8th day of my grandfather death/supposedly 9 days of the funeral if we did 9 days, many things did not change much in the family, it always felt that it never happen, i still would look over to the pavilion where my grandfather would sit with his friends to talk, look into the stairways where my grandfather always sit to smoke, look at the sofa seat he always sat, things din seem to change much..... well its the past, let the wind take away the sadness, but lets keep the goodness within us. Like what sister Karen said, at least you had some happy memories with your grandfather.

Well today i was listening to the "New Life Worship Counting on God (Ross Parsley and The Desperation Band)" music CD while playing dota when i hear this

.....Though sorrow's my condition
And pain holds back no blow
Though this be my darkest hour
Your lamp is leading me home
Eyes can't see but i feel you near*
I know You're working through my tears
I trust you lord....

*Eyes can't see but i feel you near <----- This is bout God not my grandfather
in normal time while playing games and listening music, i am not the sort whom will listen to the lyrics, but its just so sudden that i caught this lyrics and it spoke of my condition, but it is still amazing, today did not attend church again coz my body cant take it and just "Job strike", did not have the strength to get out of bed, and still was in God presence so strongly but surprisingly i had the strength to last the whole 7 days of funeral, well this Glory goes to GOD for it, coz without God i dont think my body can take the 7 days of "beating".

Anws thanks these people for coming to my grandfather wake (name is by first letter alphabet)
Cheryl
Brother Calvin
Donric
Jian Le
Jie Xin
Kenneth
Kenny
Lu Wei
Sister Karen
Wayne

Glory be to God!

Maybe i will consider doing what Brother Calvin and Sister Karen said.......

Dismiss of my Grandfather

2009-01-10T07:32:00.007+08:00

I always thought i was mentally strong enough to handle things, to not cry when things happen. But when i knew something was wrong i prayed, and the second time they return i knew things were real bad from the voice, when i heard the dismiss of my Grandfather.....for the first time after so long i cried.....

Bukit Batok West Avenue 5 Block 391
Funeral is situated at under the block near the lift
10 Jan to 16 Jan. 16 Jan cremating in morning
Estate Name: Good View Garden

For info, estate is opposite home team NS, is consider the most new estate in Gombak. The one that look like a condo from outside

2008-12-25T14:25:00.012+08:00

who are we to you? Or perhaps i should say what are we to you. When u need help, you would come find us, to protect your own interest and self, but when u don't we are not even anywhere there. U just throw us aside as if we never existed. U had never really love and cared, u are just doing it so as to have an answer to someone when anyone ask. whats the point for all these hypocrisy?

One week after camp, so many thing happen and i am taking control of my action and thoughts. why do u have to teach me to come out and trust others only for others to break it, taught me to love only to be hurt by those u love

2008-12-23T00:11:00.002+08:00

I had said and warn before, i also said before, me keeping quiet in the family is not that i am scared or afraid, its just that there is this essence of respect in it. When the respect is gone, see will i not land some of u in hospital for your deeds. Who knows the thing my family is going through when u all these FUCKING ASSHOLE is there talking bad stuff bout my family even as we kept quiet. I am ready for everything, i do not give a fuck if the family is separated, its better without having such FUCK UP relative as kin.

Someone once told me pai kia bo di chu pai, pai kia di wa kao pai nia and the reason is that cos in a family there is respect, but when the respect is gone all will be out.

大家要撕破脸就来吧! 我以毫无顾虑了 cause i have learn to hurt even the closest one to protect the one you love.

My Week! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2008-12-21T02:33:00.004+08:00

OK this week is good on overall

Monday:
Starting of camp, its was so freaking good the sermon part :P no games for me due to leg, seriously it was better then i expected, coz like my walk is like not good prior to everything, so when Rebekah told us to write out our expectation i was like fooling around since i had no freaking mood to write or do anything so just anyhow write. it goes like this
"day 1: find touch of God and go back...........Day 3 session 5 continue to listen to God." well God has his own way doesn't He, like prior to everything i set 20 Dec which was ytd and also christmas bash as the last day with cell before i leave if i still do not feel God, and just so Session 1 was all about going back to God like what Brother Calvin said: "For all those whom are far away from God, now is the time to come back, to get back to God through this worship" and of course sermon too. The touch of God was so strong, truth be told i had not felt God for like a month or two in church, all the time i was there is just to look for a touch of God but all did not happen till camp. Got back to God and felt so high?

Tuesday
Went out in morning for check up, could not resist temptation to go back camp for night session though i supposedly should be home to sleep early as i need go out early with my grandpa the next morning for his check-up

Wednesday
Back in night and stay over sermon was like blank in me for that night :D

Thursday
Session was also good, coz it was like Pastor Glyn told us to pray and pray and also talk to God bout the dream and vision He gave us, i had mine a long time ago, like when i was 15? It always was in me whenever anyone preach bout God vision for your life it will surface up in me, i never told anyone bout that dream/vision except 2 guys, no one actually know bout it and i also never talk coz that vision is a big big thing, something so big that i see all senior and youth pastor of Cos(BT) in it. I told God bout what i felt, i told God that i was afraid if i say it out and it was never done, what will happen? I also fear coz i just simply dunno how to express it out to anyone, then i was like opening my bible when i came across this "bookmark" i made which wrote 1 Chronicles 19:12-13 and 22:13

1 Chronicles 19-12-13
12 Joab said, "If the Arameans are too strong for me, then you are to rescue me; but if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will rescue you. 13 Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The LORD will do what is good in his sight."

1 Chronicles 22:13
13 Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.

see the common point? Its be strong, especially both verse are sort of link from what i see, lets shift the verse and you may get this "Then u will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the lord gave Moses for Israel, the Lord will do what is good in His sight" and "Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of God, do not be afraid or discouraged"

and it was like so strong man, seriously that very day God presence was also strong, but overall monday is still the best :D

went home and out after a shower

Fri:
woke up in noon, went out at 3 till 1 am in morning

Sat:
woke up watch Doraemon, went over grandma house help uncle do drilling and stuff, went for wedding ceremony/lunch then went meet Rebekah they all for Youth Impact Christmas Bash. Today sermon was also great, its like also bout for some to get back to God, and remember what i intend to do on the 20 DEC? Well its like if i miss the first session, God still had His way of getting me back

I went the wrong way before, i board the wrong car to the wrong place with the wrong group and do the wrong thing, now that i have turn, the injuries are left on me along with the tainted sight of some people that i know even though i do not say it out. Jesus let it pass, God let it pass but well this is the world, whats so important bout it now? Nothing. Judge me for all i care, i know how some of u see me, but i do not care :)

Sun: (dont ask how i know coz its all plan out)
Wake up watch doraemon, go out lunch, go home watch TV or sleep, night suppose got wedding dinner to attend but i dont want go coz of some personal stuff so family going. So most likely gonna stay home watch "curse of the golden ju hua" u guys remember it? something hit you mind?

Oh yeah dont know if u all read it but Alicia and Cheryl well done with the dance and acting, seriously got potential go be ah lian :P. Oh ya and Ali no worry i soompah never take video coz i and brendan went to the back for wayne friend to sit

when as a body of christ does not give the love some people are looking for, they went in search for it from the world, thats the reason why some people backslide, and i know some of them

Can dream be real?

2008-12-07T13:18:00.006+08:00

Can dream be real? Can you literally feel whatever you feel in dream, the pain the pressure the fear. Had a dream days back, it felt so real, the pressure, the weight on my shoulder, it was so intense that i was force down onto my knee and unable to get up, i had no strength, i had no courage in the dream, i had fears and the pressure leads to pain.

The Dream:
I was like carrying my backpack, my sling bag and a shoe bag, the there is this person whom said we can clear the chair and put our bag at the side, just when i wanted to stand and take the chair, i was forced down, i could not move, the weight is so strong on my shoulder that i could not stand(this is the part i really felt the pressure), fears begin to ride in guts dying out, just when i decided to throw off my backpack first then i stand, i still could not, next was sling bag but still it felt as if it weight a ton and i could stand, finally when i threw off the shoe bag only then i had strength coming in, after putting the chair on the side, taking all those item one by one felt like nothing.

Is there a lesson behind it or am i feeling too much?

Argh, leg pain ar! Operated part is so pain, panadol is my daily sweet, want some?
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Problem does not lies in You, but its me. Its myself
time is running out for me, there is not much time left. Before 20th

2008-12-07T04:01:00.001+08:00

Dont keep on bombarding question on me, if i want to tell u i will tell u
there is not a need to say anything coz there is not a point in it
just let silence take its place

2008-11-20T13:01:00.002+08:00

saw this video from Cheryl blog, so got it over

Stone of the Past victory
Stone of Prayer
Stone of Priority
Stone of Passion
Stone of Persistence

I seen the stone of Past victory from the older post and out of the five stone i only see Past Victory, no prayer, no priority, no passion, no persistence

Who will be there to hold my hand and walk when i am blind and do not see Him, who will call out my name for me to hear the direction to walk when i do not hear His voice , who will be the one to guide me when He is not there, and if i were to leave the track and fall off, who will be strong enough to lift me up. I need prayers, i no longer see or hear God, its been for like months, i am like a walking dead in church, a body that is alive but a heart that is dead. I spoke but i hear no one, i tried but it is all like a waste of effort. This time i had say it, but WHERE ARE YOU?

SET ME FREE VIDEO

2008-11-10T23:55:00.002+08:00

Does it even matter if I am there? Does it makes any difference
I will take it on alone, it makes no difference

Congrats. After so long.........

2008-11-03T22:54:00.009+08:00

Pastor Daniel once said "You maybe the only little Jesus a person will see in their live"
yes i agree to it but i also believe to this fact that
"You can be the only little Jesus they see in their entire live, but also be one of the many devil they see in their entire live"
This time, i decide to be the devil, see will i not rip you apart.
Whatever you say i can keep quiet, you can say my friend is a retarded when he actually has low IQ, you can say things however sarcastic it and shoot me i will not utter a word thats what i promise, BUT you don't mess with me or my religion.

See will i not keep what i say and rip you apart, see will i not smash right into your face. I don't give a damn even if you are 50+ of age now, i don't give a shit even if this job help to support your family financial, I don't give a fuck of who you are in shop and save, you can be one of the team leader but you have lost the respect that was once there, you don't try me or what is kept in me.

what was once lock is now unleash, don't talk me round now, i will tame it once its all over
the beast runs wild in me now, and i feel there is a spirit in me which i cant rid.

There are things i wish to say/tell out to people, but i also do not know how to say or start.
让我走好吗？我感到很痛苦

2008-10-26T00:56:00.003+08:00

What come to pass is already irreversible, i have lost and thats a fact that i lost to the devil and it ruin my life even till now, somethings just are irreversible but this time, I WANT TO CHANGE HISTORY!!! This will be the first time for me, the last for the devil, we will wait and see. Not through running away, not through burying it under, but i will control it this time round, not it control me but i will control it.

P.S I see flashes of things many don't. I feel it trying to enter my body

One phrase was all it need to keep me fighting

2008-10-24T09:44:00.002+08:00

It has been 9 days since the start of the fight, with each sunset the devil runs and the war begins and i begin to wonder how long will it last, the fight where losing is not an option, where going AWOL is not an option, a fight where hiding is not an option, a fight where u have to fight with the devil head on, for the past 7 days it was the verse of Psalms 144:1-2 that kept me on, and for the last two, it was guts that fought it and i was tiring out. But today saw a mail of Wayne replying to the prayer mail and went to the link to watch a video by Louie Giglio tittled laminin, it was what he said in 00:30-00:44 of the video.For those who trust in Him, He will literally hold them in His hand and carry them all day in their lives.

Psalm 144

Of David.

1 Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.

2 He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples ^[a] under me.

If one day i were to leave and never turn back, dont call out for me for i will never turn back even to have a last glance

see the picture and understand

2008-10-15T00:41:00.004+08:00

East to West
Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other

I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your [T]ruth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other

I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you But your holding on to me Your holding on to me

Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
(The arms of your mercy I find rest)
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other(x2)

(Just how far, the East is from the West) (x3)

From one scarred hand to the other

I dont want to blast anyone tonight, i really want to blast at my team
leader, its getting overboard day by day, and the battle is draining me
out, i want to shout but yet i fought, and each fight something rises
in me........this song is like talking about me, i want to fight the
war, but each day the devil is eating me up, help....

2008-10-09T00:27:00.002+08:00

There it goes again, all from the same person......
Perhaps its time to settle it as a family instead of my own family
Perhaps some of you say older generation problem we younger don't interfere
BUT mess with my family, mess with me, mess with me .......

i am ready to break off if its the case
say i am heartless? you have no idea

Two weeks, Three same things

2008-10-04T22:34:00.003+08:00

Within Two weeks, Three person said the same thing
Don't know how long will it last
Perhaps i am really tired, perhaps like what God said through Sister Wanping "I have already given up" even though i do not know.

God, 我真的没力了 this is what i say to God during Altar Call after Sister Wanping said all she had to

Matthew 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

HAHAHA 玩 /跑 / 踢/跳出祸lo

2008-09-26T23:39:00.005+08:00

HAHAHA 玩出大祸 lo, BIG BIG trouble to me, not to God.
Doctor says mayb need go operation -.-

Did what God told Wanjun to tell me a notice to brace up now for something big, or is it a warning of what is gonna happen soon.

Aiya whatever it is, sleep first then talk. Work is very tiring, once i sleep its hard to wake up recently coz of the over-tiredness

2008-09-15T18:36:00.002+08:00

Don't try to find what i have hid inside me for a long time
Don't try to forcefully open what i had lock up and promised never to do it again
It do no good to you

Lets see how long can your cockiness hold you, i am running out of patience.

Damn it, i am losing my patience, temper getting bad by day, patience running short

Sometime i wonder why 2 years back i ask the cell to pray for my grandmother, push my physical strength to go down almost everyday to keep u company, push my health to its limit and fall ill, worry that u do pass away anytime. But since u came back there is no quiet peace in the house, argument are caused by you, whole day long keep on nagging to do what u want us to do when we tell u to wait, just FUCK IT LA, perhaps if you go die, there would be freedom for both side, freedom from suffering from your sickness and freedom from argument and there will be peace

God is Good, AMEN?!

2008-09-02T01:03:00.003+08:00

God is good, all the time man, seriously why did i think of backsliding? Stupid sia, anws here are testimonies for God to gain Glory

Testimonies 1:
As some knew, i planned BBQ for my primary school friends, as for the past days its raining, i was wondering if to carry on or cancel it as i would be using near $165 for the food and stuff, but if its cancel there goes my money too, so on Wed i send out a mail saying that it would be postpone, on Thurs went BTNR and i had lots of experience with God, from how he gave me strength to many more, the i ask God, if i should carry on with the plan, so i prayed(cut short)" ...God if u want me to carry on, give me a sign to know that Monday would not rain" on fri morning which was having some dark clouds, i pray to God that if monday will not rain, i pray he will not let it rain on Fri morning, just hold the rain to Noon as a sign, after noon then let it rain, but God shows me more than anything, he did not let it rain the whole day, ok lets admit that it did drizzle on Fri and sat, but who cares huh? Its for such a short period of time, and amazingly, for the next few days it just had slight drizzles, although the weather forecast shows that it would have thunderstorm, but still i went ahead with the plan for BBQ and leave the rest to God, using the money was just one of the way to say God let your will be done, i trust in you for the good, true enough, today did not rain, just a slight drizzle, God ask me this today while praying for the weather "What if i let it rain" then i replied "God let your will be done, if today have to rain the let it rain, let your will and not my wishes be done" but when we reached there God tested my faith, he let it drizzle, ok i admit, i did blame saying"Wa lau, why like that" but i did repent and pray to God for the drizzle to stop, and it did stop, but its not the end of the test, from the weather forecast i saw, it predicts 100% rain at night, and there were many dark clouds at around 8-9+ with some lightning like that and i pray that God please hold back the rain till like 12+ so it would be after we leave, true enough, God took away the clouds and the sky was clear, and when we were about to leave then the clouds appear again which is also like near 12, but from here its not raining, so God is Good AMEN?!

Testimonies 2:

As everyone knew bout last week sermon from Sister Wanping was about fasting? There was this part saying there is always not a convenient time to fast? It was so true, as today was school holiday for students, my workplace the assistant manager ask me to work from 9am to 2 pm, and i fast for breakfast as i was praying about the weather today and the past few days, and as u know fasting is always hard, normally when i work i would be doing those non-food which is like soap, pampers and stuff, as long as its not edible i would help to stack it or even put up stock, but suay suay today the one in charge of groceries took leave and the store manager ask me to take over her and do the food side, see when u are fasting, all sorts of things come up, i decided to fast morning without eating or drinking and i had to work for 5 hours without food and water

Fact1: When i am fasting, i face food and drinks
Fact2: When u do not eat and are hungry, the stomach produces acid to digest the food start burning your stomach which makes you feel like vomiting
Fact3: Working as a stacker requires you to carry heavy stuff which causes you to perspire even though its in air conditioner place which causes dehydration quick
Fact4: At only 11.30-11.45 some were eating lunch at the back store which i had to go in take some stocks, and the aroma feels the place

so when i was having the stomach acid burning my stomach, pray to God that he will take away that feeling and let me feel better, and true enough God appeared and took away that feeling, oh ya most amazing, i did not feel thirsty at all also even though i was working for 5 hours without water and was perspiring from all the lifting of stocks, another is i was immune to temptation with God help even though i was facing the food as i could just walk out and grab a quick bite but i did not

Like in every story theres a morale behind it, for this there are two things:

1) God deserve the glory amen?!

2) Trust in God that he had the best for you

Busy sia, going pok kai also

2008-08-25T15:34:00.003+08:00

Come Holy Spirit - Planet Shakers

Hmmm still manage to squeeze time out for posting bout Sat
Had lunch with the almost long forgotten team due to own busy schedule, though still go same place at same day, but rarely talk, its Mission Trip Team Saam '06, consisting of Brother Calvin, Sister Karen, Cheryl, Rebekah, Marcus(me), Rachel and Sister Karen's cousin, don't know how spell his name. Ali skipped the lunch meeting coz she says she sleepy or something like that, though time meeting is short but out of this time God blesses us with a good fellowship. Amen? Met up for only around an hour but still we manage to talk alot of things from school to God, hmmm when God the center of the core, things really are different. Like in cell group, to be truthful the quality is not there, perhaps its because we are quite huge a group and when we eat, the distance between the first and the last is quite far, so we will just chat with those around which is like only 3-5 people at most, but like the meeting there is only 7 people, though its like the main 6 that talk, but God made use of it to change lives i must say.

Service was very different this week for me a least, perhaps its because of the talk during lunch that really change everything. God spoke to me from PnW to Alter Call, everything just keep on speaking to me, especially during Praise and Worship like this song "All because of Jesus" and through it i learn and regret, looking back God is so good and faithful to me, always protecting me even when i hurt him from my action and words that come out from my mouth, He is so good and faithful, yet i even wanted to let go of Him, yet i thought of giving up on God, what a BIG BIG FOOL i am, and seriously PnW was so awesome, actually things are like chain up on sat for me, like while we took a ride from Brother Calvin and he on the music that u are listening now "Come holy spirit" i was listening to it, immediately i knew God is going to speak to me through it. Don't ask me how, but theres this powerful feeling within me tuning to this song though at first din hear it fully but during PnW boom everything is unleashed, God power just flow through. Oh ya did i mention service atmosphere was a blast man, everyone singing was louder then the loud speaker sia, cool u think? But thats not the most cool one, the most cool one is how everyone gave their all to God, i could almost feel what God is feeling at that moment man. Ok after all the qian zhou qu, its time for sermon, tittle was "Beating truth decay" now in this world, everything is fake, there is not much truth in this world now, even within own friends there are no truth( i do not refer to everyone, this does not refer to any church member also, they are clear) like i have a close friend who always lie when u meet him, he can say he is only 2 bus stop away, but take 30mins to reach, stupid lie right? its so obvious, so thats why now when i am meeting him, i will leave at the time we are suppose to meet, learn smart, do smart lol. Aiya sermon cut short, since the real main point for me is PnW but still sermon is one word AWESOME!

Hey people, heres the hot topic, ok just joking its serious:
Did not get to meet up with him on Sat night, he said he got something on, but not sure if he is just avoiding though, till now he seems like still avoiding, now only thing to do is pray for his heart to soften and be willing to meet up, another is to pray that i will know how to guide him even though God has told me how, still wisdom is a must. But still i will write a letter and drop it in his house letter box for him to read, pray God will speak to him through it. Like what the bible says "Prayer is our best weapon against the devil".

13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

There goes the break, time to resume planning on events upon events, i going pok kai liao :( going broke soon from all the BBQ and party event

New Baby!

2008-08-21T10:01:00.008+08:00

Elder Sis Pearline (i think, got some problem spelling her name) a.k.a Little Rascal
lol does this position resemble on of the idols call sleeping buddha?

New addition to my external family
Name: Cherrell Peh Jia En------> Hey Ali look your name
Born on: 20 08 2008
cute right? took this photo ytd when i went down the hospital

sick!

2008-08-13T00:12:00.003+08:00

Great its just great, missed church for TWO whole weeks, see to the fact that when my spiritual walk is bad, two weeks is nothing, but now its on the right side but skip church due to two weeks ago is my grandma birthday, then last sat was ill, great thing is, when people fall ill they recover soon, but i is get worse by day, WTH, immobilizes in bed from last night till now, even blogging is down lying in bed...dunno if can make it to church again this sat a not, hope can make it there haiz....

Great, fever, soar throat, cough and headache decides to pay me a visit :) how nice of them, immobilize in bed

2008-08-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

Now its 00:27 on my handphone, reached home est 27 mins ago from work and no i am not smelly had my bath, skip dinner as already so late and just gulp down 1.5L of Jasmin green tea on my way back......

So while waiting for my hair to dry, why not blog bout my week

work work work then injury injury injury coming up, sian....WTH all my old ailment is coming back, ok mayb not all but my back is totally ouch! sharp pain at lower left of my back, and oh ya did i mention its the 7th month? Welcome to the 7th month, for those that work as stacker like me, all the best to you also, WTH everyday work so fierce then still until so late, next day still got school

something interesting that happen to me while bathing

suddenly there this question that pop up in my mind, when was the last time i pray?
Ans: SOME of the days i do QT

see the word is SOME, just could not keep back to way of doing QT daily ever since i lost faith weeks back, no longer the daily QT anymore, sometime remember then do, or even remember but dont bother to do then forget soon, or even dont remember? Any solution?

QN: for someone?
Ans: dunno very long already think the last was weeks back when i pray for June and Cheryl

then i suddenly had the thought of praying for people by sending them msg, but then u know la, there a mini devil messing around, then i ask why pray sia? Then this is what God say that convince me to do it

"take it as a stepping stone for your faith, take it as a stepping stone to grow and be back to what u were"

When theres good things there also problem right, see the list
1) very tired sia, work and study
2) irregular QT
3) back injury
4) curb my anger problem
5) everything in school seems a waste of time, everything just felt like SHIT!

ok maybe not week but something that happen in my life today and my problem :D

now finish is 00:52 and have to wake up today at 05:30 to go back work help pack the 7th month thing before go school, time to SLEEP LO! but not on my comfy bed with air-con :( but on my computer chair and fan coz if i sleep on bed there goes, i am off to lala land for a long time

Qn to Team Saam + How cool is service this week?

2008-07-28T11:17:00.004+08:00

Team Saam MT'06 Sister Karen was asking if want to meet up for lunch before service start one of this Saturday to catch up with each other, tag me, msg me let me know then i will inform her, dont bo chup lei

service was cool this week, Pastor Daniel showing us pictures of baby that were aborted, hows that? Cool right! If u are wondering what feeling did i have at the moment, my answer is nothing though, dont know why but i felt nothing, perhaps because i see the process of abortion before ba, not from silent scream but is the "china" version, saw it while my grandmother was watching the video, dont ask me why i also dunno.....many a time such things no longer make me feel anything, its not that i dont have compassion but its that perhaps i am numb to some things already....but this week sermon perhaps fall into place ba, like from last week during cell Cheryl ask me to pray for myself first before she pray for me, remember the time when i was praying was this sentence that came out of my mouth "Father i pray u give me love, let love cover me, let love heal all things..." and this week i fail though, Saturday i ask God to let love cover me, and Wednesday there i am hunting one person down to cut his finger, there i am finding one person to settle some feud....sometimes things just seem weird, i tell God to let love cover me, the next moment someone did something to me and my friend which lets say perhaps what i wont pass easily, staring and stuff i am cold bout it, i dont bother, but the other action that he did was what i went after and this Saturday it was bout murder not just in action but even thought...hows that huh, some things its just ironic, altar call was also forgiving the person, i sat there for a long time fighting the war within my mind, even when everybody is standing up already, i am still sitting down and think.... Sometimes things are just so nice in place, everything happen before hand and Saturday it comes and wo-la it just gets you to settle down and do things some are unwilling in the first place....

Lyrics of Rain Down

I am falling to my knees
I need You Lord to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is calling out Your name

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in Your embrace

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence I am free
Pour down like rain
Come and touch me again
Lord let Your presence fall on me

I'm longing just to see
Your power and Your majesty

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in Your embrace

Sweet anointing
Wash me over
Sweet anointing
Wash me over

the first verse spoke to me the very moment Brother(married liao must call brother) Calvin lead the congregation in rain down, i really need God to breath in me once again, ever since the moment i told Cheryl and June that i am not myself, not in my right mind, though things change better over weeks, but some things lets say need God to do it now, what i need perhaps is God presence to rain down once again, like next its says my prayer is still the same, my prayer has never change, take anger for example, things goes up and down, there are time i curb it, there are times it loses control and now is one of the moment i loses control, never expected that within the small heart of mine, so many things are hidden beneath, some things only surface up when we listen to it and ask ourself right? Din even knew all this are within me till when Brother Calvin sang the song and i hear with my heart....Let God rain down on me this time round, i need u now before i return to the past, i am so scared that somethings will never be the same again, i am so scared that i will return to my past, like when Rebekah prayed for me last week that i will not go back my past, somethings has been hunting me again, i need God to rain down on me now and fast.......

realize i had never been saying yes or amen to every prayer, i will say "I will try" perhaps this gave me a chance to numb myself, i cant promise that i be the best warrior in your eyes to fight every battle, but i will try my best and mayb theres a room for me to hide

2008-07-20T11:04:00.006+08:00

YES!!! Marcus is BACK, though now i am weak, though my amour is as thin as a piece of paper, though my sword is as blunt till it looks like a rod, though its not as sharp as a freshly produce blade, i will still fight. This time i am back and i will screw someone ass for messing mine, its time.......

2 CORINTHIANS 12:10b
"...For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Never intended to step back in COS(BT) but never regretted my decision for stepping back, its not sermon that kept me, but its the lyrics of the song "Burn" by Andrew Yeo. It goes by "purge away my sins, make me whole again, deep inside my heart,renew the fire again, burn in me the fire" (and i really need to purge away my sins now man, lots of things happen within these two weeks) it was during altar call when i was thinking bout this words when Z3 started playing this song, and that personal touch from God....saw God after so long, wonder how long since i cant remember it must be long, it was when PnW when He open my eyes again, i saw his glory, the glory he received when everyone praise him, worship him, especially during the song "Holy Is The Lord" the devil said" After this, just leave, it makes no difference...but for that miscalculation God says, think, it does make a difference, and i imagine what if one by one left? Even the Worship Leader Calvin they all, and there i am the only one standing, it does really make a difference and this was maybe what that made my decision to stay after thinking the whole night

To Satan:
Hey thanx for the gift you gave me, enjoyed it alot cant thank you enough for it, the gift of Anger, Hatred and Vengeance....But you had miscalculated one step, did it ever come to you that its gonna be used against you? I'm gonna use the vengeance within against you first before giving it all to God for surrender, enjoy :) and thank you
(continue post below)

Lift Your Name Up - Planetshakers

LIFT YOUR NAME UP
Planetshakers (Arise)

I'm gonna lift You up
Higher than all things
Above every name

Cause You are my God and King
You made everything
So I give You all my praise

I'm gonna lift Your name up
So everyone can see You live in me

Shine Your light in me
So all the world will see
The power of Your majesty

Jesus I will lift Your name up

Let Your Spirit fall on me
Now so that all the
World will know that You're my God

Jesus I will lift Your name upo

I'm so in love with You
Everything You do
Everything You say

You never let me go
You're always in control
And I give You all my praise

Jesus I will lift
Your name up
Higher than all other names
You are my God
You are my King
You are my

talk bout dine at the king's table huh? Start of the year when Cheryl say lets dine at the king table and everyone is like Yes, ho-sei la, no problem, talking is easy huh, doing it is hard, half the year gone only and so many problems are happening, first for walk not good was Donric, then me and no Lovelle? Saw her blog and perhaps saw a glimpse of me within her entry, anger, hatred, vengeance lies within every word

When mind and heart link as one, when body and spirit link as one with God, Lives changes

To Cheryl

2008-07-09T22:22:00.004+08:00

Its not that i do not want to reply to your message, its just that i do not know how to even say it now, just let me get back to myself and i will contact u.....

give me time to right the wrong
time to settle down....

To Cheryl

2008-07-06T23:20:00.012+08:00

烦

Dont feel like staying home every night, dont feel like even staying at home when my parents are around, especially my mother. Very irritated by her actions most of the time now.....

很想哭，却忘了怎么哭

2008-06-28T00:21:00.003+08:00

moment by moment
second by second
something is dieing within me and its causing a hole in my heart
my heart slowly get empty by day
something is very wrong now................

Rest is what i yearn for, but its also what i do not get for the past two weeks
spiritual rest i get, but not physical rest and my body is weak now

2008-06-26T10:46:00.004+08:00

Saw this video on youtube, so thought why not put it up let you all see

bout this man reviving from death after pleading to God for a chance to live, watch for more info

some good website i stumble across
http://www.extremeprophetic.com/
* http://www.stacistory.com *

the stacistory one is very good, go to the website and watch the movie

Amazing Race

2008-06-16T21:52:00.002+08:00

FINALLY!!! Amazing race is over, Saturday had amazing race, my team consist of Ali(TL), Adeline, Amelia, Cai Shi, Lovelle, Peirong, Rachel, Donric, Munchong and Me of course......Its the first amazing race i join since i came to Youth Impact in 2006, tiring though but yet I also learn things from the process of it.....First stop was the Bukit Batok Nature Reserve, had some problem with the maps drawing though, from the orientation of the map, it shows that its behind the "Old Ford Factory", ran all the way up just to find out from the person in charge there that its not here but at the other side, he say that actually there no World war I thingy, but the words suppose to be World War II and its at the other side, so went all the way down and up again the steep slope, roughly around 30-45 degrees in elevation, half walk half ran, took some photo there, 2nd stop is the rock climbing station, third was IMM, easy to find the people though, somehow we were like some magnet, we were finding any of the three once we enter IMM and Kenneth Yeo(???) aka the soldier came walking our direction, so was rather easy, went into GIANT to find the food for our quiz, split up inside and some went to find the things, some went to buy water, completed it in 15-20 mins, 4th stop was Clementi woods, met Rebekah group at Clementi Bus stop, when we reach both team were finding the spot for the game, start runnning round, but due to some of their navigation mistake, we manage to get there first, 4th sub station was the blindman stop before the final sub station which was the slider, got all dirty up there, Munchong kick mud right into my face sia, luckily was wearing specs, there was this point in time where the mud flew right to my specs, of which the position shows clearly that it would hit right into my eyes, had mud all over me, think i was the one who kena the worst in the cell group, had mud from outside shirt to inside my shirt to under my pants, spent lots of time washing ranging from sat night to mon morning, think i wasted lots of water, bill gonna be very high sia this month, seeing the fact that after scrubbing for like 30 mins, took the easy way, hang my clothes there and took the water spray to spray my shirt, think i used more than 5 large pails of water just spraying my shirt, 5th stop was Vivocity, by then my tired mind was already blank, caused by lack of sleep over the weeks, somehow just can sleep only till 1-2 am in the morning before waking up at 6am daily for school and stuff, plus the night before amazing race also had same problem, so was already mentally tired, completed the task at 1700 hrs, reached outram station at 1720 and after some discussion and Ali called June for opinion, decide to drop off last station which was kayaking since last game would be at 1745, and travelling alone would need 30 mins.....head back church all dirty and smelly, change into another set of clean clothes then prepare for svr and discussion, when Ali share bout discussion is when God speaks to me by putting things into my head, like when Ali said actually everyday in our lives, we are having an amazing race, and i saw the fact that through this race, some were pushed to their limits, be it physical or mental, i meant all were already tired, but we still completed the race (ok mayb cant say really completed, but we tried), and with encouragement, there always this bit of strength that never runs out inside of us, its like the "reserve battery" in us that will always be charge up with every encouragement.....so like in our physical, when we are really pushed to our limits, we manage to finish the race with encouragement, but in our spiritual can we? This is what God ask me, he ask if in my spiritual, when we are really at our limit, can I still fight it out that last strength in me?

Realize that i had been running away even when everything seems right, realize that I've been running from what God called me for, i meant i know the direction to go but somehow mayb i just cant accept the fact for the calling

2008-06-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

Who can ever get enough of praising you O mighty God
Who can ever comprehend of your wonders
Who can ever get tired of your beautiful creations
Who can ever understand your ways
No one but the Lord Mighty God Himself

Was sitting at the bus stop after work looking up into the sky raging with lightning and this came to my mind, thought it was good

To compromise or not?

2008-06-08T01:11:00.003+08:00

Went makan steam boat with some of my close brothers at bugis and after eating was sitting at the railing along the carpark coz they say want rest, then i start to think if this time should i compromise? Ever since Gabriel called me on thurs, began to start thinking, should i compromise this time round? As everyone know some of us are trying to get to Gabriel, but this time round i can feel he is using us for his own benefit, start thinking if should I meet him up or just forget it? Is it worth? When someone is using those who are concern for him just for his work?

someone tell me..........

Oh ya, guys thanks for the birthday wishes, and PHOTO PLZ, anyone can get me the photo we took at church office?

2008-06-01T09:39:00.005+08:00

Radical Conference just ended in less then 12 hours ago, war with the devil begin to start in everyone, REVOLUTION begin in everyone.

For sermon, what really spoke to me was the first session on saturday which is also the third session. Pastor Preston spoke about us able to give life and bring death to people, like the story in Luke 22:47-52, Jesus disciple pull out his swords and struck down the ear of servant of the high priest. Like us, many are always pulling out our sword, i cant say that my hands are clean, i cant say that i never speak death to others, i cant say that i had not "killed" anyone before. My hands are stained with blood, much more blood then what you can expected, for one thing i can say is that its not from church, but outside, i "killed" many outside, injured many. Even my very own "sister", i spoke deep fearing death into her, i "killed" her once. You know, many are hurt here, but like what Pastor Preston say, "Everybody hurts, but nobody quits", i cant say i never quit before, i cant say i had hold on to God. There were times when i seek drinking, i went into drinking and many more, but thankfully, there were always people around me place by God to help me sustain through what God say through their mouth, like Cheryl, June, Sis Wanping and Sis Karen. They were the few that would really be the 4 people in Luke 5:17-26, they would bring me to God and not away when i am totally down, when i am totally broken, when i am totally weak and unable to take another step, when i am totally "injure" to carry on anymore, like what Pastor Preston said, when you are down, the crowd can bring you anywhere, what more the paralytic man in Luke 5:17-26 when he cant even have the choice to move, he can only go where others bring him, but for us its not physical but its emotional, spiritual and even mentally. Who does not get hurt in life? Like what Pastor Preston said, some people get bitter, some people get better, are you getting into bitterness or better? Like this story he shared bout the firefighter whom went into the falling building and save 5 lives, when the reporter ask him how he felt bout being a hero, he said"I'm not a hero, its just my job". Like him, when everything is crumbling down, he still go and pick people up, thats a real hero. When everything in their life is crumbling down, they still go in and pick you up amongst all the agony, pain and hurt, thats a true hero. Pastoral Team, they are the one, Leaders, they are the one

We can bring Joy to people or bring pain to people
We can bring life to people or bring death to people
We can bring hope to people or bring despair to people

Somehow, there is this thing inside me telling me many need help, like the song in casting crown
(continue below)

Does anybody hear her

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

somehow God is telling me, many are waiting for their hero to ride in, someone to help them, someone to sustain them and protect them now, but who God? Who? Give me the eyes to see, i am willing to go into it, like the song ready now by planetshakers, God I say I'm ready now, show me the person and i will go.....

2008-05-30T23:27:00.002+08:00

Radical Conference was powerful, attended night session only today, worship was great, sermon was even great, space wise is not great, little cramp though, wonder what will happen when full force come for Radical Conference tml....?

Dang that back ache, experiencing sharp back pain at lower left of my back, cant even bent, if want bent, endure the pain, prayer plz....

2008-05-29T22:41:00.004+08:00

Many things to blog about

1) Happy Birthday to Cheryl and Debra (no pic this time, cant find any)
*mine in another 7 days along with Jun Ze* *hint ar* lol just joking, no need do anything one, its just another day to me except for the birthday bash from class if Joshua say it out

2) Hey lets celebrate, one day before Radical Conference and i found back my first love, Cheryl told us to prepare and find back our first love, for me its much harder than others as my condition was already on the line of backsliding back then till Sis Karen and sermon came along. Din expect so though, din know my heart is growing back gradually since sat when i attended the 1 hour cell group session(for me).

3) Had a very nice song from planetshakers called "All I'm Living For" but could not manage to upload it, spoke alot, nice song, powerful song whatever you call it, its good....Like what God said when he created earth, "ITS GOOD" and from Macdonald "I'm loving it"
have the chance go hear it, want i can send you, just msg me

ok maybe not many, but a few

2008-05-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

Could not find more picture for it, but does your heart feel like its sinking, does your heart feel heavy? Do you feel like tears are in your eyes or even rolling down for them after seeing the charity show? If your answer is NO to any of the question, its time to go to God and ask for a heart, a heart that move, a heart that feel pain, a heart that beat every moment. Time to ask for one heart of flesh, dont let your heart be made of steel, i had once been there, i know when your heart is made of "steel", there no compassion, no feeling, nothing. A piece of advice to you my friend if you are heartless, stop being heartless, it does not hurt you, but it always hurt those that love you. I once hurt many because i have a heart of steel, but now my friend, time to turn back, time to open your eyes and see now. In actual fact, there is a heart in everyone of you, even the world most un-compassionate person, deep down there is a heart, its just that the heart turn to ''steel" and it began to numb off over time. Think now my friend, what is your heart made of? Flesh or "steel"? Its your choice

If i can, i would....If i can, i am willing to....If i have the chance to go, i will go help no matter how tough it may be

2008-05-24T23:19:00.002+08:00

累

haiz so tired, but since now waiting for hair to dry so will blog while, very tired for this week, my strength is draining each day with lesser sleep, woke up at 8am today by a call to bring ah-ma to hospital then stayed there till 4pm like that before sending grandpa home then go church reached there at 5.30 and was like the "lost" one there, at first did not wanted to go as i dont see a point in going seeing the fact that there would be no discipleship and just sharing which i also do not know anything but still decided to go after thinking of what my uncle said at the hospital. "God is never wrong, he never make the wrong decision, its men that made it"

This time i am really tired, not spiritually or mentally but physically. Really tired now, ARGH need strength from God

2008-05-16T12:52:00.003+08:00

An inner battle raging within me,
a battle between my past and my future,
a battle that i seems to be caught within and it will never end.......
A battle between church and stop going to church

2008-05-08T08:52:00.002+08:00

Phew finally got some time to wake up later today, but now i am sitting in front of this stupid com coz i could not sleep T.T woke up at 8.30 instead of the "hoping" for 10 before going to school. today is afternoon class so thought could sleep in later wake up later, but what i got is sleep in later wake up earlier. Reason? The stupid back ache is causing me lack of sleep!! argh cant stand it anymore, from last Mon till now same old stupid problem.....

Amazing God, Amazing ways

2008-04-28T15:18:00.003+08:00

Like the tittle of this post "Amazing God, Amazing ways", God is so so amazing and His ways are always unique. Last sat sermon was preached by Sister Wanping but yet it was so much powerful. From the beginning of this year till now, God is using Sister Wanping so much more i can say, each time she preached God authority come forward with power and love. Tittle of sermon was "Abandon Ship" gotta admit that when i hear this tittle i was like, what has it got to do with church? What has ship got to do? I thought there was gonna be story about ship. But i was wrong, the main focus of this week sermon was "ABANDON" us having to abandon ourself, pain & suffering and opinion, like in this story Acts 9: 1-9

1Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples. He went to the high priest 2and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. 3As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?"

5"Who are you, Lord?" Saul asked.

"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," he replied. 6"Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do."

7The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. 8Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. 9For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

what caught me was verse 5 "Who are you Lord?" saul asked, like the explanation of Sister Wanping through this verse spoke alot to me, let me ask you a question, do we ever ask "who are you Lord?" like saul? Do we ask "who are you Lord?" and gradually become sensitive to God? another thing so powerful was what Jesus said in Luke 22:41-44

41He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." 43An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

Father if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. This is so powerful, a verse filled with God authority, let not my will but yours be done, Jesus was so obedient that He abandon His "Feel" and obey God even in death, seriously i think i cant even do it. I can give a thousand reason to God just to run away, but Jesus just said, let not my will but your will be done. There this part talking about Ananias whom is sensitive to God and people, he could see/hear/feel things beneath the surface, for me i am like a Ananias deep asleep, i did not knew it till altar call, i was the special one in my place, someone popping out from the rest. For Altar call, there were three parts, and i was just telling God, God which one to stand, deep within me i knew i had to stand for the second one which is abandon self, but yet i just like push it hide it whatever you call it, but still i stood up and it was one experience that i never felt before. We were standing up in response to the call and leader came forward to pray for us, of which my leader is Cheryl, she prayed bout anger, bitterness and hatred and much much more, while she was praying, my tears came down, and first i thought it was just like any other time, but NO! This time, i just couldn't control myself, i just kept on crying, see the word is crying not tearing, i just cried like a baby, ok don't go imagine how it look like, but i started to cry, i felt that tangible presence of God, so loving and so warmth, so comforting that i could not control myself anymore, and Sister Wanping told me what God want me to hear, would not say all but some like "I have a feeling God is saying this to you, you have lost your first love, find back the first love......stay on track do not fall off...." (... meant there were things between and after) and what she said made me cry even more, what she said really change my life, be truthful to you all, i wasn't good for the past week, got into a lot of staring incident with people like got one is someone from Jian Le class, the guy was with wayne whom did not saw me, but his friend was staring and i just stared back, there were more, but why raise it up again? Almost got into fight(Not staring incident), almost threw a chair at someone and was thinking aiya just be bad boy la, no need so troublesome, but after Sister Wanping say all those thing, that very power of God just came and abolish those thought of mine, the very power that could even raise the dead changed my very thought. Today there this thing with what Sister Wanping said about staying on track

27 Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.

it tally with what Sister Wanping told me. Seriously God works in many amazing ways, its just that we do not see it, open your eyes and see, you will see the amazing thing of God.

2008-04-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

ARGH!!! only two days since sat, first day into the week and i am gonna burst!!! Muz CONTROL!!!! So much for the verse Psalm 37:8 if i burst.

2008-04-21T22:03:00.002+08:00

Well this week sermon was good. Though its a short one, like for only 1 hr 15mins, dunno is it because of the new arrangement or because of the sermon is short from the start. But anyway, its a powerful sermon. With like only 11 different verses and like 2 points i learnt alot though. It also reveal to me where i am now in my stand, like there this question "How far are you willing to go to escape the lie of satan", it spark of remembrance of one almost similar question my friend asked me, "How much are you willing to go to protect the one you really loved?" and i answered him "my life, i am willing to die for the person i like." but then God ask me this, "Are you willing to die for me?" and i just could not answer. Just a simple question that spark me thinking and leading me to a answer of where i stand, i just do not know how to answer God.....Another thing is like during Altar Call when Cheryl was praying, she said something bout rising to fight(Not sure if i heard correctly)? But think is something like it, then after she pray finish, i start talking to God, suddenly all my fear comes in, i fear i fail God, i fail those who hope in me, i just kept telling God that i start to tear, all my fears i told him and he spoke to me through the worship song what else can i do...

our love for me is a healing comfort for me
Your grace to me is a matchless gift to me
Your power in me is a mighty river in me

At the end of the day with the setting of the sun
After all is said and done

What else can I do but worship
What else can I do but bow
'Cause all I really long for is You
And all I really yearn for is You

Your sovereignty is a sure foundation for me
Your care for me is enduring peace in me
Your hope in me brings a sweet surrender to me

2008-04-15T18:48:00.003+08:00

Anyone want lucky numbers? I have been seeing red every morning, so confirm lucky one. Go buy 4D or toto also can? Dun even know what the hell happening in my body la, every morning wake up i see blood, not any normal blood from wound you know, from my mouth whenever i spit saliva or phlegm the morning, i see blood see the colour its, fresh red.....lucky right? Problem is, its not from my gum. Every morning 见红. confirm lucky, lucky number anyone?

ITE= Is The End
Its To Enjoy
Its To Erchieve

Now for me i am at the Its to enjoy stage and Its To Erchieve stage, slowly i will go all the way to Its To Erchieve. Seriously think ITE has an affinity with Dunearn lei. This is what my friend Vicknesh said, Eh seriously ar, i think those from Dunearn ar, cannot escape the fate of ITE one lei, reason coz in Dunearn, students are called DunearnITES, see the last 4 alphabets? ITES, ITE represent of course ITE, the S means many will be in the ITE college.